Cubicle Life: I Quit, Leaving My Toxic Work Environment
I DID IT!! Finally after ten long years I quit. LOL, well kind of but no quite so dramatic. I did make sure to secure other employment before leaving, put in my resignation letter, and completed my two weeks. But as of June 1, 2021, I left the company that I’ve spent the last 10 years working at.
Why I Left
I was completely miserable. I won’t say things were always that way, I had so many good times and met some pretty amazing people. If I had to put my finger on one particular moment that started the downhill slope of misery, I’d say it was in 2019 when I started a new position. My manager was a literal micromanaging b****h for a lack of better terms. But she was always pretty manageable. But all hell broke lose in September 2019, LITERALLY! I was being trained for the new position that I had taken, under the same manager just new job title, and I was kind of nervous, anxious, and even though this was the same department and company the pressure and nerves of doing a new task struck fear in my heart. As we were training I remember my manager making a comment and I don’t quite remember the words, but I do remember how it made me feel, and that was very SMALL in that moment. For the next few minutes I remember fighting back tears; it felt like my skin was on fire I was so mad. Lucky for me I had an appointment with my therapist, but the time seemed to move in slow motion. Once, I got into my car though everything erupted and the flood gates opened. I cried and cried until I made it to therapy and even once in my session I cried some more. I don’t know if it was all the anxiety, the tough previous year I had been though or what but that day ignited a fire within. That though was just the beginning.
Am I Doing the Right Thing?
It’s a question I ask myself often; if I’m being completely honest my job wasn’t all bad. I had wonderful co workers and the pay was pretty decent. But when I made the decision to file a complaint with our human resources department that day, I knew that I couldn’t think about any of those things and that my mental health needed to come first. I think sometimes its easy to sort of over look toxic situations when we focus on the few positive things instead of looking at the bigger picture and really analyzing how a situation might be effecting us as a whole. Once the complaint was filed and my manager’s superior got involved that’s when things really went down hill. Before I took the position I was in there was another position within our department under a different manager that I was supposed to start, but instead of taking that I stuck it out for the team. Now who’s to say that would have been any better or I would have been happier, but we’ll never know. Upon taking my previous position I was promised that I would be an equal to our team lead and would report directly to the manager, but the moment that I filed a complaint; all of that went straight out of the window. It was in that moment that something inside of me died, I became an empty hollow shell of myself at work. I didn’t really care about getting there on time, I didn’t volunteer to do anything extra, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stay late to complete anything. I was just doing the minimum to get a check and to not be written up. Hell, can you blame me? I thought okay I’ve done what I’m supposed to and I didn’t do anything with malicious intent so why are things getting worse for me.
Making A Tough Decision
After about a year of pretty much having the worst working experience I’ve ever had in my life I decided that maybe I need to go to a completely new department, still within the company, and start completely over. You see within that year my manager basically ignored me and we had zero communication. I’m pretty sure that she probably wanted to find any reason to try to fire me, but I was a good employee and I knew my job well. When the opportunity did become available for me to find another position I took it. And I only stayed in it for six months. The position wasn’t bad it just wasn’t me though; it didn’t give me the same feels that my other position did, and I just didn’t have the same chemistry with my co workers that I did before. I was right back at square one! Miserable and unhappy. I knew I couldn’t spend another year like I did before, so decided that I needed to look for new opportunities outside of the company. That was actually one of the toughest decisions; there were all kind of thoughts running through my mind. Like am I making the right decision? What if its worse there? And what help me put things into more perspective was the conversation that me and my new manager had before I left. She said, “well you know the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” And while she’s right we don’t know, we’ll never find out if we don’t go over there and see.